Body Safety Talks By Age

It is back to school season, which is a great time to discuss body safety with the children you care for. Talking about bodies with children can feel difficult or embarrassing.

One of the very first things you can start with is teaching children the correct terms for their anatomy. Starting at birth, you can use the correct name for body parts such as penis, vagina, breast, and buttocks. Although babies cannot respond, ask permission before changing their diaper, bathing, etc. This helps build the habit of asking for consent and using the anatomically correct words.

Toddlers:

• Never force a child to hug, kiss, or have unwanted contact with others.

• Teach children that their body belongs to them.

• Model asking permission before touching or hugging.

Preschoolers and Early Elementary:

• Begin teaching privacy and explain private parts are private.

• Remind children that only certain people, like a parent helping you wipe or a doctor with a parent present, should see their privates.

• Role-play "no" responses and identify safe grown-ups.

• Talk about surprises or safe secrets versus unsafe ones. One way to tackle this topic is describing a safe secret as a surprise party or something that everyone will eventually know, and an unsafe secret something that makes them uncomfortable.

Ages 8-12:

• By age 8, most children have heard about sex. The best way for kids to learn about sex is from their parents or guardians and not their peers or other influences.

  • Keep the conversation simple and use scientific terminology, for example, "the sperm meeting the egg."

  • This is a great time to incorporate consent and boundaries. Children need to know that they can say "no" when it comes to their bodies. Also, children must know to respect the boundaries of others, like not giving friends a hug without having permission.

• Continue discussing consent and boundaries.

• Set family expectations with hanging out with friends.

• Monitor internet, phones, and tablet usage.

Ages 13+:

• Continue the guidance above.

• When talking about sex, it is necessary to discuss the order things go in. This includes holding hands first, then kissing. Children also need a line drawn so they understand exactly what "counts" as sex. For example, understanding that oral sex is sex.

• Talk about risks with sex, including emotional and physical.

• Provide information on dangers involved with dating, including dating outside of their age range. It is important for children to understand that an older youth may have more sexual knowledge or experiences. It is best if youth develop "dating" relationships with their own age group.

• Discuss dating violence. Ensure that they understand no one should physically, mentally, or verbally harm them in relationships, including friendships. Provide examples and remind them they can always come to a safe adult if someone is being treated in this manner.

All Ages:

• It is important to remind all children that if a body safety rule is broken, it is not their fault and that is never too late to tell a trusted grown up.

• Tell them that no one should look at, touch, or take photos of their private areas.

• Teach them that they are the boss of their body.

• If a child comes forward about abuse, believe them.

As a reminder, children should NEVER feel responsible for their own safety. This guide is a tool to help ensure healthy outcome for kids. Also, age ranges above are just suggestions; adapt to the understanding your children may have at this time.

Thank you to Prevent Child Abuse for providing resources for this post.